I've been putting off doing this for a while now, but I feel like this is really what I want to do. I felt like it was important for maybe the few people who actually do like my account (which I assume is a very small number...haha) should get a bit of an explanation of sorts.
For the past school year, I've just had a lack of interest for dA, for general and personal reasons. I don't really have a reason to get on here, if not to delete messages and deviations from my inbox. And should possibly explain that - maybe it'll interest someone or clear up a few things.
At the beginning of this school year, I made a mistake; I really hurt someone I dearly love. And now...well. We don't talk anymore. She was, and still is, my best friend. But I know I don't deserve a minute of her time - I was a complete hypocrite and more importantly, I lied to someone I really cared about. I don't know if I can ever really forgive myself for that. I shouldn't forgive myself for it.
As the year went on, things only proceeded to become worse and worse. I cried for a long time; I still do. My grades slipped further than they ever had before, my friends from freshman year didn't want to talk to me much. Things at home were chaotic. I felt like, a lot of the time, I didn't have someone to turn to.
And that's why, my inactivity on dA has increased. There are a lot of happy memories I have with this place, and those memories are what pushes me away from it. It hurts to remember all the times I spent uploading pictures, looking through galleries of other artists, and writing comments/messages to someone I will never, ever get back. Someone I spent so much time with. Soon, this school year will end. The people in my classes are so happy, they look forward to the long expanse of freedom that comes with summer vacation. But it's only another reminder that I'll be spending even more hours alone.
I won't delete my account, but don't count on updates. I do have a tumblr account, where I upload pictures on occasion (livvyy.tumblr.com). Thanks so much to anyone who's commented, watched, or even spent a minute just looking at my gallery or pictures. It means a lot. <3 Good luck to you all.
...and, Audra?
If you ever do end up reading this, just know that I miss you so much; I understand if we never get back to the way we used to be. I wish nothing but the best for you. I'm so truly sorry, for everything. Always know how beautiful you are, inside and out. You deserve every happiness the world can give you.
Free OC drawings, see my profile to see if open!
LLAMAS FOR POINTS!
Jim: I have no bread. Therefore, I cannot make a sandwich.
